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Blah blah blah
location: work
mood: 
blah
blahI've heard all about clinical depression, the can't-even-get-out-of-bed kind. But is it possible to suffer a really mild form of it that's just not obvious?
A kind of depression where you're pretty much fuctioning normally, but with a general feeling of antipathy. Like I'm just going through the motions.
Because, to be honest, I find it REALLY hard to summon up any good or bad feelings about anything. I've been coasting on a general disinterest about everything for a long time now. I honestly can't remember the last time I actually got excited. Even when I got the news about the rest of season 4 for Supernatural finally coming back on the air (and about time too!), I swear to you that I flailed about it for exactly a minute and then the mood was over, and I was back to a general state of blah, as if the news had never happened. That really can't be normal.
I'm even more blah about work. Yeah, most of us hate our job, but I'm becoming the worst employee in the world, turning up late (though I do stay back a bit to make up for it), and being really slow to get started with things, and taking a lot of breaks. I'm usually a real professional when it comes to work, but one of co-workers keeps having to take up the slack and that is just not on. I used to take a lot of pride in my job, but lately...
And yeah, I've been thinking of looking for another job, but I haven't made any moves towards that. It's like I'm stuck in a feeling of inertia - I want to leave, but I can't make myself do anything about being able to leave. And it's like that in other parts of my life. I can't make myself change anything or MOVE ON.
And I'm putting on weight, because I haven't been in the mood to cook, or even go shopping for meat and vegs. So it's all been takeout lately. Halp.
I've got all these ideas for stories too, but I haven't written anything since the Dragon AU was finished.
*sigh*
P.S. I posted this during one of my breaks at work, 'cos I'm putting off having to do something.
And I think it all snowballs, too. You're not feeling peppy so you don't take care of yourself, you don't take care of yourself so you don't do anything fun, you don't take care of yourself and you don't do anything fun, so you don't feel peppy, etc.
Let me know if you find a solution - I'll file it away for my next visit to 'down in the dumps' land.
So I think I just have to get myself to do stuff, so that I have that feeling of accomplishment and will feel better. Even just talking about it has helped! Thanks for listening. I'll let you know how it goes.
First, start to write again. (AH! I have to admit, I have a personal interest in this case... :P) Second,... Well, I have no second because I don't know what you like to do but I'm sure you'll be able to find! Or you can treat yourself with a weekend away for example. I know vacations are the best way to get my moral up, at least.
It's funny you should say that about having a weekend away. I had last Friday off, and I've got this Friday off too. But last Friday I literally spent all day in bed, and I didn't feel any better for it. This Friday I'll have to make sure I get out and about. It's just tricking yourself to feel better, isn't it?
Ta for listening!
I know I feel so bad too when I do nothing during one of my day off. So yes, going out will be the best way to trick yourself to feel better, as you say! =D
It may be worth seeing a doctor about if you can find a good one. I didn't know why I felt so crappy until I found my sydney doctor, until then I kwpt getting told that I had no reason to feel run down and we know how that turned out.
So in the meantime if you want I will pester you to do stuff and drag you along to things kicking and screaming if I have to. Monday you have anything planned?
Smishes you lots and you know you can call me if you just need a whinge or a hug.
See ya on the long weekend.
Yeah, suddenly you can't have pasta, bread, rice... I think I'd rather be depressed! lol.
Seriously, I have been thinking about a doctor... but I think I'll just try to get myself interested in things again first. I realised that I don't have any outside interests anymore. Remember when you brought up Archery recently? I'm going to start going to that again, and maybe take up Tai-Chi again too.
But hey, going out on Monday is fine! We've got spn that night to look forward to... but maybe we can go to the beach at Scarborough at lunch?
Happy to catch up and do stuff.
I think Tai-Chi or something would be good for you. I will give you a buzz later and we can organise things.